It’s never until the morning that you realize it’s not the best idea to drink as heavily as you do. It was the day before I left and I was operating on a 3-day streak of hangovers due to incessant bar outings and goodbyes. My friends are THE best and sent me off in the best way; as for my liver—not so much.
That being said, it’s no wonder why I was slightly slower than usual in my packing/cleaning abilities. Nevertheless, I got the job done and was finished in time to be able to fully enjoy the last time I’d be seeing my sister, her husband and my precious nephews for a while. It was like any other Friday night visit—up until goodbyes. Literally just typing this makes me tear up, but I’m trying to remember it all and document it, you know? You see, my sister and I have gotten closer than we’ve ever been in the last two years—we tell each other everything, we run to each other in times of need and know that NO MATTER WHAT we will always, always, a l w a y s have each other’s backs. To say the least, saying “see you later” to my big sister was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
Shortly thereafter, Stewart arrived. For the first time ever, I was silent. We broke up a few days prior and hadn’t seen each other since. He was the person who spoke of infinity and moving to New York when he graduated and living as a happy power couple…well, things change. And after signing my lease and coming home to a completely different person than two days prior, I had to walk away (even though it didn’t really feel like I was). Anyways, seeing him was…I don’t even have words for it really. It’s not often that I can’t talk about something. I guess it’d be fair to say that my silence made me realize how much I was dealing with and why I was so numb. I’m the person who doesn’t trust a soul and then wears their heart on their sleeve, so it sucks to have your walls broken down and to be promised forever only to be let down again by fickle tendencies. But hey, that’s life. Ya get knocked down, and it’s all about how you get back up. And like Little says, “you’ve endured break ups before and you thought it’d never get better and it did;” so I remained numb, yet hopeful.
Literally ten minutes after he left, he called me because I’m his person and he had gotten into a car accident. It was 1:30 in the morning, I had to get up in 3 hours, and all I wanted was to drive to his rescue. I didn’t. And I went to sleep with that. With feeling, once again, that everything was different and so far gone.
“What on Earth is that buzzing noise?!…Oh yeah, it’s moving day…”
The mixed feelings that welled up inside of me as I reached for my alarm were nothing short of numbing. All of my excitement and all of my sadness (it had been a pretty hectic week—not exactly how I imagined it going down—leading up to that exact moment) seemed to balance each other out and once again I felt void. Maybe it was the insanely early hour or maybe it was mourning the morning that was leading me far away from everything I knew—either way, this was it.
Everything was already packed so all it took was one last sweep around the house, waking my grandparents up to say good bye (and crying), giving Ched the biggest hug imaginable (and crying) and as my heart sank, I hopped into the passenger seat and watched my house disappear in the rearview as we began our journey to my new life.
We were halfway there when a person who I’d really like to stay far in the past started liking my posts on FB…I was already numb, but that definitely made me feel. As a person with generalized anxiety, these are the sorts of things that throw me into spin. And all of a sudden I was nervous and scared and overwhelmed again.
But then I saw the skyline. I saw the Chrysler Building and the Empire State Building scraping the baby blue sky. I saw every paper, OT hours, journalism class and revision. I everything that I had been working towards. I saw everything beginning to come true and with the help of T-Swift blaring, I could feel again.
Walking through a crowd
The village is aglow
Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats
Everybody here wanted something more
Searching for a sound we hadn’t heard before
And it said
Welcome to New York
It’s been waiting for you
Welcome to New York
Welcome to New York